chipped beef on toast

You remember those boil in bag frozen things you used to be able to buy? You’d pull the cardboard box out of the freezer, open it, plunk the frozen plastic bag into a pot of boiling water and leave it there until the frozen went away. In the meantime, you’d pop a couple slices of ye olde white bread into the toaster, push down the lever, watch to make sure the elements turned red, nod with satisfaction and get a plate or a bowl out of the cupboard. You’d return to the stove, peer at the dancing bag and poke it with a wooden spoon a couple times to try and determine how much longer it had to swim before it reached an acceptable temperature for consumption.

The toast would then pop up and scare you. You’d glare at it and get your revenge by tearing it into bite size pieces and arranging them on the plate or bowl. That done, you’d return to the stove, decide the bag of pink and white preservatives was ready and dump the contents of the pot in the sink. Carefully now, you’d cut open the bag and begin to pour it over the toast. Your pinky would invariably get in the way and dip into the napalm disguised as some sort of gravy. You’d yelp, stick the injured finger into your mouth, finish pouring and carry the plate or bowl to the table to sit down and enjoy your lunch.

Creamed chipped beef on toast. The stuff is just good. And it’s even better when you make it yourself. It’s also known in military circles as SOS. That’s right. Shit on a shingle.

Because when your man finally comes home from the war, he definitely doesn't want your home cookin'.
Because when your man finally comes home from the war, he definitely doesn’t want your home cookin’.


  • 1 two ounce package of dried beef
  • 1/4 cup butter
  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 2 cups milk
  • Pepper

Cut the beef into ribbons and set aside. Melt the butter in a skillet. Whisk in the flour until it is well combined and then slowly begin adding the milk a little bit at a time until the mixture is thickened and bubbly. Add the beef, give it a good stir and then add as much pepper as you like. Add salt if you need it, but the beef should be plenty salty.

Toast some good bread. Go wild. Sourdough is delicious. Use an english muffin or a bagel. Just don’t use boring ol’ white bread. I mean … really.

Spoon the beef mixture over the bread and enjoy : ) Comfort food to the max.

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